Several years ago, I read a book written by Christian authors entitled “The Art of Neighboring” (1). The big thrust of the book was to encourage Christians to think of their actual, geographic neighbors, as people to whom we are called to live out Jesus’ second greatest commandment: Love your neighbor as yourself. One of the main goals was clearly to encourage Christians to live intentionally as Christians outside of the normal Christian bubbles, beginning in our own neighborhoods. Sometimes Christians can get so excited about overseas missions, or just being involved in the ministry programming at our local churches (both great things by the way), that we forget about the witness and ministry that we can have right where God has placed us.
What I want to do in this post is summarize some of the very practical suggestions the book gives for being good neighbors. Before I list them, let me tell you three reasons why I think this is an important topic for Christians in 21st century America. First, simply because as Christians we should want to be the best neighbors on the block! As people who have received the love of God in Christ, received the hospitality of God in Christ, and have been given so many blessings, we naturally want to extend that love and blessing to others around us. God’s love for the human race is not limited to those who love him back, but extends to all (Matt 5:44-48). As Christians, we love in the same way, and one very practical way to do that is by being a good neighbor to whoever God has placed around us (whether they believe the same way we do or not). Second, I am convinced that having an intentional presence in our neighborhoods is becoming a very important part of pre-evangelism. By pre-evangelism, I simply mean that it opens doors for relationships in which the good news can be shared and heard that would not have otherwise been open. As I wrote in my first post on Gallup’s latest findings on religion in America, in our post-Christian culture it is increasingly the case that the front door of the church comes through our living rooms (2). As Christians we should want our neighbors to say about us: “I may not believe what they do, but I’m sure glad they live in our neighborhood.” If this is the case, it can break down a lot of walls and negative perceptions that people have about Christians. It is also a credit to the gospel when Christians are the ones who foster community and make their neighborhoods a better place to live. Third, there is a huge need for this in our current moment! People are lonely. Our culture was already tending towards isolation, but the pandemic has exacerbated the problem. Major newspapers have reported on the fact that we are living more isolated lives than generations before. Real connections with real people is an important need for all of us.
So, what are the practical suggestions that are given for being good neighbors? How can we create bridges that move towards real relationships? I summarize five suggestions made by the authors:
1. Learn names
Do we know the names of our five closest neighbors? This may seem simple, but this is the first step in moving from stranger to acquaintance, and it is increasingly the case that Americans do not know even the names of their closest neighbors.
2. Throw a block party for your neighborhood
The authors write: “while we can’t force relationships with anyone, we can create environments which allow for relationships to develop and grow into something significant.” They list block/dinner parties as an easy and natural way to do this. They write: “What would it be like if we were to make a commitment to take the next step with each of our immediate neighbors this year? What would it be like if we were to make a commitment to throw at least one good block party every year, and the to sit back and see how God uses it on our block?”
Our family did this last week. I went door to door a couple of weeks ago handing out invitations to come over to our house last Tuesday night. I only got a handful of people who told me they were coming, but when the evening came we had over 20 adults + kids show up to our back yard. People had a great time, and we had several neighbors we just met thank us and express sentiments such as “We have lived in this area for years, and we only know two neighbors. We appreciate what you are doing.”
3. Invite others into Shared Activities
The authors encourage Christians to invite others to join you in regular activities. It’s easy to assume people are too busy, but plenty of people are hungry for interaction, the world around us is lonelier than we know. They go on to say that one of the easiest shared activities is to invite people for dinner. You’re already going to eat anyway, right?
4. Ask (and Listen) to their story
They write: “Every single one of our neighbors has a story to tell. Deep down we all want to share our story, and know that our story connects to something larger than ourselves. As we learn to hear their stories, we can connect to their heart and see how God is at work in their lives. Often this leads to an opportunity to share our story.”
5. Develop the art of Receiving
The authors observe that this can be challenging because most of us do not like to be on the receiving end of things. Our temptation is to turn our neighbors into projects. We want to serve our neighbors, but won’t allow them to meet our needs. But true relationships demand this kind of reciprocity. So, recover the lost art of borrowing. Instead of jumping in the car to go to the store the next time you need eggs/tools, etc., ask your neighbor!
By way of conclusion, this list is certainly not exhaustive. There are many other ways to be neighborly, but I do think “The Art of Neighboring” offers some good starting points for further reflection. I also believe that churches as a whole can benefit from thinking along these lines. In my previous church in Michigan, for example, our building was located right in the middle of a neighborhood that had about 900 homes. One of the goals of our leadership each year was to try (as a church) to be good neighbors to this community. We put up basketball hoops in our parking lot for the kids to use. We also threw a giant block party (complete with mechanical bull rides!) for the neighborhood every summer at the church’s expense. It was our hope that if the church ever left that location, those in the neighborhood, including those who did not share our beliefs, would be sad to see us go.
(1) Jay Pathak & Dave Runyon, “The Art of Neighboring: Building Genuine Relationships Right Outside Your Door.”
(2) Rosaria Butterfield, “The Gospel Comes with a House Key”